The practice of love

This morning I feel convicted and humbled. This morning I realize, as I have so many times and in so many ways before, but today in some way that is new, that in order to call myself a peacemaker, or even a “emerging student of peacemaking,” as I wrote in a recent article, I need to learn love better. This morning I’ve been privileged to read some reflections by a peacemaker working in Afghanistan, who is preparing to launch an international campaign called “Love is how we ask for peace.” The concept seems beautiful and simple, but I find that in reality, the practice is so very difficult.

In my own personal life, I find it easy to love those who are likeable - those who are interesting, engaging, share similar passions, who will lead me into meaningful conversation. I’m even good at loving a handful of people I find it hard to love, a few who complain, whom I find annoying, or have nothing I can visibly see to ‘give’ me, as long as they don’t ‘ask’ too much of me. But still, on a daily and sometimes hourly basis, I struggle to love well. I cling tightly to the things that I call my own (security, free time) but in reality are all illusions, instead of offering to others a fountain of life and love (I understand, though, that this cannot be done on my own. If I’m not open to receiving life and love from the Source, my sharing of ‘self’ will dry up quickly). I lack a basic ability of solidarity to understand why certain people behave as they do, or even if understanding is impossible, to love them anyways.

A few months ago I attended a training on nonviolent communication. I don’t want to oversimplify, but the basics that I took from it were that all people behave in a way to meet their human needs. If their needs aren’t met, they will often act destructively. Nonviolent communication provides a method for someone to express their feelings and needs in an honest way that will inspire the person who is acting out to also become honest and more compassionate. It is a tool to provide mutual understanding.

Perhaps I should have written “practice nonviolent communication daily” into my 2010 resolutions in order to help me better love those in my life that challenge me. Because until I can love well those people in my life, how will I ever begin to love my “enemies”? How will I find the courage to “get in the way” (as the Christian Peacemaker Teams say), in the streets of Columbia Heights or the streets of Palestine, if I do not know the practice of love and asking for peace?

“Our discontent has reached a critical breaking point,” the reflection offers… how will we use this crucial moment to build a better world, loving one person at a time?

some resolutions for 2010

• read scripture daily / go to mass often
  
  
• complete a triathlon, bike race, or 1/2 marathon
  
  
• write regularly & think intentionally about where i can use writing as an outlet
  
  
• go to the middle east
  
  
• find an outlet to explore growing interest in interfaith dialogue / work
  
  
• start a conversation each day with someone i might not be inclined to
  
  
• blog more? probably not. :)